Meeting Grace: The Blog

Well, so much for blogging every day in May!  The funny thing is, it’s not that I’ve been terribly busy, in fact there was a stretch of about five days there when I had all the time in the world as Han was out of town on his midwest tour.  So although I had many hours to myself, not once did it occur to me to blog, or to write anything for that matter.  I’m concerned about that fact in a way because it makes me question my motivations.  On the other hand, I feel just fine that I didn’t blog or write because I did other stuff which I was happy to do.  It’s not like I didn’t blog and feel guilty about it while not blogging.  I just simply didn’t do it.  The guilt has only now become part of the equation.

So what did I do while Han was gone?  I watched movies, I read, I napped, I ate, I went for walks.  The walks were great.  I took advantage of the town where I live and the destinations I live near.  On Saturday, I walked  along a section of Mission Bay (on the map in the link, I started right around the question mark on the top right and walked down to a bit past the area marked with a “13″, then back to the start).  On Sunday, I made my way along the Tecolote Canyon trails.  I even created my own ‘walkin’ mix’ for my iPod.  The weather was spectacular and it felt good to get my blood pumping, it’s been too long since I’ve made myself work out.

After the walks, I usually took little naps, read a little bit, watched TV, checked email.  I did some other small projects, too, like putting up more posters in the bedroom so now nearly all the walls are covered (except up high).  I also did some email work to get the ball rolling to get the acoustic group some dates in Northern CA for later this year.  There were basketball playoffs, baseball games, the Preakness all to watch.  I squeezed in some movies, too (old and newer): Evan Almighty, To Gillian on her 37th Birthday, Knocked Up, Catch & Release, Grand Canyon. I’m a sucker for movies.  It usually doesn’t take much for me to get sucked in.  I also watched some shows from the DVR like CSI, Numb3rs and NCIS (love some of those crime procedurals!) Grand plans to shop a little or see a friend did not materialize, and like the non-blogging, I was okay with it.

There were moments when I thought, “Oh, I should blog about this!” like documenting my walks more in detail, but the inspiration did not strike. Does it mean anything?  I don’t know and frankly, I think I might get depressed if I pondered it too long.

Han’s tour was successful.  They went to Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois.  He got back on Monday and that night, we went to our friend Tim’s house to participate in a photo session for a project he’s working on called San Diego Music Couples & Families.  He took shots of me, Han & DK, then just me & Han, then just me and then just Han.  He then picked the ones he liked, did touch-ups (yay!) and sent us links.  I really like all of the shots he chose.  I’ll post the one of me here in the next post and send links to the others.  It’s a cool concept and he’s gotten some great shots of the folks in the scene who are making a go of it on the personal front, too.

So what’s on the horizon?  Memorial Day weekend.  All good.  On Saturday, Han & I will be going to hang out with some of his friends from high school.  Sadly, one of his close friends died from liver cancer earlier this year.  He lived out in Nebraska so it was hard for folks here to get out there, so Saturday there will be a party/memorial in his honor.  There’s even talk of the old high school band reuniting.  Although a somber reason to get together, I look forward to going and being around people who knew Han in another part of his life and who he still feels very connected to though he might not see them often.  The way he talks about his high school days is so fascinating to me.  He has such vivid memories of specific parties and adventures.  I do not have that.  I can’t recall stuff like that without some kind of catalyst like reading something I might have written about it.  So it will be neat to see him among these people who were more like his family for him than his actual family.

On Monday, the holiday, I will be going to Sea World with DK, a couple of her friends and one of the girls’ moms.  It’s a play date if you will and I have some trepidation about it.  I’ve met this mom once and she seems nice enough, but I have become more closed off as I’ve gotten older, less inclined to meet, mingle and small talk.  I’ll really have to work up my positivity for that experience, and try to tap into my former(?) go-with-the-flow attitude.  Wish me luck!

The last week of June will be quite busy for Han in the studio so I’ll probably have more free time than usual.  I hope to finish my book and I have one on hold for me at the library that I need to pick up.  Then you know, it will practically be summer, maybe my favorite season.  That’s always something to look forward to.

I went up to LA yesterday to hang with my mom, and it was a nice visit.  Dad was there, too, of course, and the bonus was T being there. I thought I’d get a chance to talk to my sister while I was home but I didn’t so happy belated Mother’s Day, Red!

The weekend flew by and it seems I consumed a lot of beer.  But all is well and it’s time to go back to work.  Han leaves for a tour in the midwest on Wednesday so today & tomorrow will be spent preparing for that trip mostly.

Last night, after coming back from LA, I went to Brick by Brick for the Dan Ely benefit where all my friends played.  It was a good night and Han’s band really kicked ass.  Their set was solid and rocked the whole crowd.  It was really good. I caught up with some friends and it was just a great evening.  A late one, though.  I’m having trouble motivating this morning.

On Saturday, I got a tune-up on my truck, then spent the day working on various things.  The studio was pretty busy so there was lots going on.  Han & I had a nice dinner and watched the baseball game on TV.

Friday night, Han’s band played a gig and it ended up being a great night as well.  This band is really freakin’ good and I enjoy them so much.

Guess I should be off to work.  I’ll leave you with this poem that I presented to my mom yesterday.  Enjoy!

  My Mother’s Voice

            speaking in Spanish

is a warm green salted sea

          long-distance call

                   before dawn

to her mother’s voice

          speaking in Spanish

finer things:

          river blues

                   homecoming

                             and

my mother’s voice

          speaking in Spanish

There was a time when every molecule of my heart, brain and soul was interlaced with poetic verses, whether they were mine or someone else’s. It was a time when I believed that a simple line of poetry could change the world, or at the very least, someone’s outlook.

But here we are, running into May, past the month-long celebration of poetry that is April’s National Poetry Month, and nary a word from me about it. There were years when I made it my mission to deliver poetry to anyone and everyone every day in the month of April and beyond that. I recall my poem-a-day emails to co-workers and friends some years ago at a former employer. I would relish finding the exact poem to share with these folks, who did enjoy receiving the fanciful lines and colorful phrases.

Now, I will occassionally update a white board in my cubicle with a quotation that is topical or otherwise relevant. Right now it bears this:

Everything is blooming most recklessly;
if it were voices instead of colors,
there would be an unbelievable shrieking
into the heart of the night.
- Rilke

And that’s beautiful, isn’t it? It makes you look at the change of seasons in a different way. It makes you feel like there is an underlying motivation to all things, or at least there is in some people to define and describe the life around us in such spectacular ways.

The other day I received an invitation to contribute some ‘wisdom’ to a book of sorts that was being compiled for a couple ladies who are turning 18 and graduating from high school. There were various topics to choose from including money, exams, laundry and other life stuff you have to figure out as you get older. Another option was writing which is the one I selected, and here’s what I wrote:

“Take care when you write anything, whether it’s a personal letter, a business letter, a research paper or an email. Being able to communicate through the written word is becoming somewhat of a lost art, yet it still reflects on you.

Use spell check. If you don’t know the difference between their, they’re and there, figure it out.

Let writing be another outlet for your creativity. As you get older and experience more than you ever dreamed, capturing it in writing can make the difference in how the experience shapes you and connects you back to it. Memory alone can only serve you so far. Reading back on something you did or something you felt will ensure that it will be something you never forget.

Use writing as a cheap form of therapy. Work it all out. Get messy.

And in the end, you’ll also gain something else, whether it’s the next day or years later, you’ll have the gift of perspective.”

I was pretty proud of these little bits of advice, but then I stopped and thought, “Why don’t I follow my own advice more?”  I mean I certainly believe all of what I wrote in my submission but it struck me that it’s easy to spout this stuff and think about it in theory, but to put it into practice is an entirely different thing.

And then, what gets me about that, is I didn’t use to think that way.  It was inherent.  It was just another part of my day, like checking my email or eating a snack, I was infused with poetry.  I don’t feel it so much anymore and the reasons for that are an accumulation of so many things.  But that doesn’t make what I wrote for these 18 year-olds any less valid, right?  I mean, I suppose that’s why I started this blog in the first place, to have a new space to come and get messy, to have that place where I can gain some perspective.  The difference, of course, is that there’s an audience (albeit only 2 or 3 of you really!), but it makes a difference.  So essentially, this space became something else, still valid, still worthy, but not the place where I let it all go.  That’s what I have my journal for and yet, I couldn’t tell you the last time I cracked that open, much less a poetry journal, something that used to catch all kinds of creative and random thoughts.

So the true point of all this seems to be how do I welcome the poetry back to my being in a way that is seamless.  How do I live poetically?  How do I reflect that desire amidst the sometimes mundane aspects of daily living?  Altough the idea of “me-time” seems cliched and Oprah-esque, I can see where it becomes necessary to voice such capitulations, but I feel like I have enough “me-time,” it’s what I’m doing with it that needs to be  re-worked.   And through it all, I will strive to heed Maya’s command: don’t forget to write.

Sadly, DK did not make the cast of the musical she auditioned for. She took it much better than the last one, but she was still pretty sad about it.

The Padres look terrible this season.

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I blasted “Wicked” show tunes on my way home from work and felt invincible.

I made Mexican meatballs for dinner last night that turned out better than I thought they would.

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Not a lot to say tonight, but a couple tidbits for you.

So, I missed a day.  Sorry about that.  Yesterday was not conducive to blogging.  After work, I had to pick up something for Han that was in my neck of the woods.  Then, I stopped at Tio Leo’s to pick up some food for us.  Tio Leo’s is a Mexican place near our house.  I stopped very quickly at the library to drop off my books (the Mark Haddon titles), then went home where we feasted and watched “Talladega Nights” off the DVR.

Then it was off to an actual movie in an actual movie theater!  We saw “Baby Mama” and I thought it was sweet.  Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are awesome. It was our family night, so DK was with us.  Some of the language and references were probably a little much for her 10 year old ears (it’s rated PG-13), but as she told her dad as we were leaving, “There was a lot of stuff in that movie I probably shouldn’t have gotten…but I did.”  Han & I just kind of raised our eyebrows.  What can you do?  There’s no telling what she hears at school, not to mention at JT.  She’s on crew for “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat” and is part of the costume group.  She frequently tells us how she has to spend time in the boys’ dressing room and sees them all in their boxers as they do their quick changes.  She also says she’s gotten used to the smell.  Hee!

As we left the theater, I realized that I didn’t have my phone.  We went home, assuming I’d left it on my desk.  Nope.  I drove back to the theater and was allowed to go in and search for it.  On hands & knees, groping blindly under theater seats.  Ick.  And no phone.  I left my name & Han’s number in their lost & found and walked back to the car.  I was about to lose my grip.  I decided to check the car just in case and I found the phone wedged between the middle console and the passenger seat.  A relief and an annoyance at the same time.  Why didn’t I look there first?  But, tragedy averted.  A quick trip to the grocery store for some stuff DK needed for the morning and back home I went, to watch TV with Han, both of us eventually falling asleep where we sat.  Aww.

This morning, rain.  Where we live now, the mornings are generally grey and overcast so I was surprised to find it drizzling.   It feels good, a crispness to the air that feels like spring and a promise of fresh and shiny days ahead.

May try to write more later today.  I have some thoughts on poetry I’d like to share.

Today, I never left the house.  I mean, I walked out the front door to take out the trash and I stepped into the backyard for a few moments in the evening, but otherwise, I stayed home.  No errands, no destination.  A day at home.

I wish I could say I’d been more productive with this day at home, but it was still a good day.  I cleaned up some emails, did laundry, read a little bit (new book), made dinner.  In between, Han’s acoustic duo partner came over and they worked on a new song.  We watched the baseball game (it’s not looking good for the Padres this year).  Han went to his gig at the San Diego Roots Festival.  My allergies really kicked in and I sneezed most of the day which prompted me to stay home instead of going with him.  While he was gone I took a small nap.

For dinner, I made Spanish chicken and rice which wasn’t too bad.  I got the recipe from Real Simple.  We watched some TV and called it a night.  For not doing much today, I sure got tired by the end of it!

This week, Han starts a new project in the studio.  DK will find out if she gets a part in “Really Rosie.”  Our friends, Cathryn & Jonny, are coming over for dinner.  Han’s rock band will have rehearsal and a gig.  I’ll chronicle everything and report it here.

Hope you had a good Sunday, too!

a day in the sun
music, laughs, with good people
quiet night at home

today’s sports highlights:
Big Brown wins KY Derby
Padres beat Marlins

last night, saw “Joseph”
today, DK auditioned
for “Really Rosie”

time to go to sleep
more fun in store tomorrow
until then, good night

Green Man

the wishes I make are small
& if I gather hawthorn,
build a fire with nine sticks
from nine different trees
gathered by nine men
perhaps I am the May Queen

but when you finally
make it to my bed
I may be on my way
out of California
leaving like Godiva

an answer to a riddle

I want to blog every day in May. There, I’ve said it! Now that the move is over and we’re settling in, it seems a perfect month to get back to my little corner of the internet and make some noise.

So to start, let’s review some of the goals I presented at the start of the year and then list some things I’d like to accomplish this month.

2008 Goals (see them here)

1. Reduce my impact on the earth.
See my last post for the update.

2. Read 20-25 books.
I’m reading books # 6 and 7 right now. I need to step up the pace a bit to meet this goal.

3. Get back to my poetry roots.
In January, February and March, I attended a regular monthly reading (Poetic Brew) and also had a featured reading there, which I wrote a little about in this post. I missed April, but May is a possibility.
In February, I also attended an open mic at Barnes & Noble and got myself booked there for a feature in September with my friend, Robt O’Sullivan.  I also attended a Valentine contest reading put on by San Diego Writers, Ink. where I read a piece that received 3rd place in the contest.
Last Saturday, I went to a publication party for the San Diego Poetry Annual which published one of my poems. I’m now 2 for 2 with this publication and will submit again for next year’s issue.
I need to start looking for opportunities outside of San Diego. It would be great to go to Austin again or to Taos (though I can’t find any information on it after 2006).

4. Better prepare for the holidays.
I have started a list of potential gifts for people which is a good start.

5. Take a couple trips.
Although Han will head off to the midwest this month for some gigs, it looks like it won’t be until June that I get some getaway time. We’ll go to Las Vegas for a weekend, then we’re planning for a few days in Washington in August for Han’s sister’s wedding. Nothing beyond that right now.

6. Release “Best of Meeting Grace” volume 2
DONE! This CD was made available at the last house concert at the end of March.

7. Acoustic Duo goals:
- book and route tours of TX, NoCal, Northwest and midwest
midwest tour happening this month
NoCal/Northwest plans in the works for November
TX will be in 2009 (along with CO & AZ, along with another midwest trip, hopefully)
- book locally
happening
- help coordinate recording of 5th studio album
they are meeting regularly to write and work on new songs, probably June/July?

8. Rock band goals:
- work to increase visibility of band
this is word of mouth, having an album will help
- help coordinate recording of 1st album
this will probably start happening in June
- book locally and potentially regionally
still looking locally for now with some recurring gigs so people can get used to seeing them around

9. Studio goals:
- develop word of mouth campaign to attract new clients
Slight update to this goal: with the move, the studio has a new name and is much improved technologically speaking so there’s lots to do (change website, get people over to see/hear it etc). To that end, we’re planning an open house on June 1.

May Goals
1. Blog every day in May!
2. Plan June 1 housewarming/studio open house
3. Set up Paypal for ability to sell MG compilation and my poetry CD
4. Attend at least one open poetry reading
5. Set up new domain for Han’s studio, schedule photo shoot
6. Buy plane tickets for WA trip in August
7. See Mom on Mother’s Day
8. Start a walking routine
9. Make dinner for Han & DK at least once a week
10. Start planning June, August and September music events
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And before I close, I must write briefly about seeing my family this past weekend. Mom, Dad, Red, T and Mia came to visit. Red & T from SLC, Mia from Sweden. They came down on Sunday from LA and it was a gorgeous, warm San Diego day. They arrived a bit early and I was not even home! I was on my way back from the store with stuff for lunch and thus failed to have my big moment to greet them properly and show them the house. I was sad about that. I’d had this great scene built up in my head and when it all crashed, I felt pretty bad. But I hope they still enjoyed the house and the lunch and the hanging out because I certainly did. Then it was off to SeaWorld for most of us (not Mom & Dad). I hadn’t been in years and I had a great day. Han & I got fun cards (and one for DK) so we can go back until the end of the year for free

We went to dinner in Old Town and it was yummy. Plus everyone was happy and in good moods, I can’t remember laughing so much with them! I mean, we always have a good time and nice visits, but this one seemed special. Han endured the standard photo-taking at the table and then the various family combinations outside the restaurant after dinner. He was a champ. And then we took our leave.

Mia leaves next week but I know we’ll keep in touch. Red left on Monday but T stayed with Mom & Dad who will take him home later this month (at least Dad will). They’ll be back in July and we plan to go to a baseball game! I plan to go up to see the folks for Mother’s Day.

As usual, there’s a lot going on this month, so I should have plenty to write about! I have a May Day poem which I’ll try to remember to post later. Until then…have a wonderful first day of May!