Meeting Grace: The Blog

Not quite the balance I’d like, but these events have shaped this month in my life.

Craig’s funeral was a private service on July 5th at a family friend’s home in Fallbrook. Many people stood and spoke, telling stories that ranged from the vulgar to the sublime. Other commitments that day did not allow for us to stay long, which was fine. I’d rather not go into any more details as this passing has not been easy to handle. I continue to wish Marcia, her kids, mother and all of Craig’s family strength as they mourn and find the will to keep moving on.

Then on July 18th, we learned that Han’s grandfather died in his sleep. This is the man we visited at Christmas last year and I was instantly grateful that we had made that trip. Herman was a great man. I got that even though I spent just a few days with him. And so there was a trip. To Missouri. And it was wonderful. There had been services for him in Georgia where he lived, and from all told, it was quite a moving and emotional spectacle. Flags at half-mast (he was a city councilman and the mayor pro-tem of the town), police and national guard lining the streets. Mary (Herman’s widow) received mourners for two hours after the service. The service for him in Mansfield, where he was born and raised, was equally moving. A graveside service with full military honors and a 21-gun salute by the American Legion. I will write in another post about our trip there, which filled me with great peace and tranquility.

But the day after learning of Herman’s death, there was the wedding. I certainly wasn’t in the most festive of spirits that day but I did my best. It was a beautiful wedding, but I can’t help but feel that it was perhaps not truly reflective of who Jenny is. But regardless, I hope it was what they wanted and that they are very happy together. Heather gave an amazing speech, as we all knew she would. But she was stressed about it up til she did it, so once she was done and ready to party, I was ready to leave. I felt bad, but there was nothing that could possibly get me on the dance floor, especially the tired, typical wedding reception songs. Although to their credit, I learned that Jenny & Brad did not request any of those songs.

And finally, last Sunday, there was a show held to honor Craig with a bunch of musicians and friends at one of our favorite spots. I was asked to read some poems, which I did. I was on near the start and I was glad for that because then I could relax and let myself enjoy being with my friends, even if the reason behind it was a sad one. The show lasted ’til about 10:30 pm, with Han’s Rock Band closing out the night. I’d had some beers and was looking at this event as the closure I’ve been seeking. I was looking at Han, Marcia, the lovely ladies who I’ve come to be close to in a new way this month, I was thinking of Herman and Missouri and the grief and exhaustion of this month, I was singing along to “Franklin’s Tower” and letting myself be in the moment. And I danced.

Franklin’s Tower
Lyrics: Robert Hunter, Music: Jerry Garcia, Bill Kreutzmann

In another time’s forgotten space
Your eyes looked through your mother’s face
Wildflower seed on the sand and stone
May the four winds blow you safely home

Chorus
Roll away the dew
Roll away the dew
Roll away the dew
Roll away the dew

I’ll tell you where the four winds dwell
In Franklin’s tower there hangs a bell
It can ring, turn night to day
It can ring like fire when you lose your way

[chorus]

God save the child who rings that bell
It may have one good ring, baby, you can’t tell
One watch by night, one watch by day
If you get confused, listen to the music play

[chorus]

Some come to laugh their past away
Some come to make it just one more day
Whichever way your pleasure tends
If you plant ice, you’re gonna harvest wind

[chorus]

In Franklin’s tower the four winds sleep
Like four lean hounds the lighthouse keep
Wildflower seed in the sand and wind
May the four winds blow you home again

John Doe and my friend, the lovely Cindy Wasserman*

The Golden State

You are the hole in my head
I am the pain in your neck
You are the lump in my throat
I am the aching in your heart
We are tangled
We are stolen
We are living where things are hidden

You are something in my eye
And I am the shiver down your spine
You are the lick of my lips
And I am on the tip of your tongue
We are tangled
We are stolen
We are buried up to our necks in sand

We are luck
We are fate
We are the feeling you get in the golden state
We are love
We are hate
We are the feeling I get when you walk away….
Walk away

Well you are the dream in my nightmare
I am that falling sensation
You are not needles and pills
I am your hangover morning
We are tangled
We are stolen
We are living where things are hidden

We are luck
We are fate
We are the feeling you get in the golden state
We are love
We are hate
We are the feeling I get when you walk away
Walk away
Walk away

You are the hole in my head
You are the pain in your neck
You are the lump in my throat
I am the aching in your heart

*on the studio album, this song is sung with Kathleen Edwards, and it’s also awesome

I deposited my stimulus check.  I feel like I’m the last person in America to have received it.

I’m picking up DK from JT after work then heading to Del Mar to watch Han be a guest performer during a Rolling Stones tribute show.

I am recovering from a bad sunburn acquired at the Padres game on Sunday.

I replied to an email from my dad (he’s new to the interweb).

I am considering a haircut.

I’m trying to figure out what/where else Han & I could do/go on vacation since the Washington trip is off.

I’m wondering what to get DK for her birthday.  She’ll be 11 on 8/8.

I made some headway in the latest book I’m reading.

I scheduled some time to submit work to some poetry anthologies/contests.

I have only briefly thought about Craig.

I’m looking forward to Jenny’s wedding on Saturday.

I wish I could talk to my sister face-to-face.

I got a great parking spot when I got back from lunch.

I want to sing along to the Wicked soundtrack at the top of my lungs (and I will).

I hope the world is getting a little better for everyone.

Last night Han & I went to see Alison Krauss and Robert Plant at Humphrey’s, a stop on their “Raising Sand” tour.  Han was in love with the album instantly as it is produced by one of his favorites, T Bone Burnett.  I liked a few songs on the record but wasn’t drawn in as much as he.  But after last night, I’ll return to the songs with a different ear.

We went to the show with our friends, Charlie & Martha, who ironically both recently lost brothers, too.  We were eager to have our souls soothed a bit with the music.  It felt right to be there though Han & I had thought about skipping it.

The Humphrey’s venue is pretty special.  Situated on the bay, it seats about 1400 paying customers.  People can also pull up in their boat to hear the music free of charge, and last night, the boat area was packed.  The weather was just right and the opener, Sharon Little, was okay.  Though we hoped to stand near the back, we were forced to move on by the security guards.  Our seats, however, were in a good location to still be able to stand without getting harassed.   There was about half an hour between the end of the opener’s set and when Robert, Alison, and everyone came out which we filled by chatting and taking in the gorgeous evening.

When they took the stage, color-coordinated in black and white, Alison Krauss and Robert Plant brought the crowd to their feet.  Unlike nearly everyone else, Han & I stayed on our feet for the whole show.  They kicked it off with “Rich Woman” and what followed was a beautiful night of music that was restrained (for Plant) and exuberant (for Krauss).  This pairing is pretty genius and they seem to really dig it.  But really, Plant is the odd man out so to speak.  Everyone else on stage (T Bone, Buddy Miller, Stuart Duncan, T Bone’s drummer and bass player) are all familiar (some experts of) the folk/bluegrass/Americana sound.  Plant is pure rock and roll so he’s in rather strange territory, but he did just fine.

I would say the majority of the crowd was there for Plant but he graciously let Krauss have much of the spotlight.  Of course, for many, she’s not unknown, but for diehard Led Zep fans, she might not be on their radar.  This was my first time seeing her live in person and I was enthralled.  Her voice is so pristine, she was able to swell and hush her voice in a way that you never lost its sound and you just found yourself carried away on it like the breezes blowing off the bay.  She was stellar with, among others, “Trampled Rose,” “Green Pastures” and “Down to the River” which brought tears to my eyes.

But Plant got his turn, too, with “Fortune Teller” and “I’m a One Woman Man” but it was the tunes they did together that were the highlights for me, especially how Krauss added to the classic Zeppelin songs they performed, “Black Dog,” (with a smokin’ violin solo by Duncan), “Battle of Evermore” (the vocal range was amazing) and “When the Levee Breaks.”  The songs were arranged differently (that crazy T Bone!) and were awesome.  And of course, from the album itself, they did multiple tunes including “Please Read the Letter,” “Sister Rosetta Goes Before Us,” “Through the Morning, Through the Night,” “Gone, Gone, Gone” and, my favorite, “Killing the Blues.”

Their encore consisted of the aforementioned “One Woman Man” and they ended the evening with something that was beautifully appropriate for the still solemn feelings I held in my heart, “Your Long Journey” written by Doc and Rose Watson.  I think the words are appropriate to repeat here to close out this show review and this post.

“Your Long Journey”
(D. Watson/R. L. Watson)

God’s given us years of happiness here
Now we must part
And as the angels come and call for you
The pains of grief tug at my heart

Oh my darling
My darling
My heart breaks as you take your long journey

Oh the days will be empty
The nights so long without you my love
And when God calls for you I’m left alone
But we will meet in heaven above

Oh my darling
My darling
My heart breaks as you take your long journey

Fond memories I’ll keep of happy ways
That on earth we trod
And when I come we will walk hand in hand
As one in Heaven in the family of God

Oh my darling
My darling
My heart breaks as you take your long journey

We were in the car on the way to LA when Han received a phone call from our friend, Dani.  She told him that they had just learned that Craig had been killed in a car accident.  I burst into tears and my heart went immediately to the lovely and talented Marcia.  Marcia is the bass player in Han’s Rock Band and is Craig’s sister.  They were one soul.  There was never a time when she didn’t mention him: something he said or did, a ritual they had, a saying they always said, anything.  They were connected on a level that most people may never  know in their lives.

But the tears also flowed because I was one of the lucky folks who actually knew Craig personally, too.  And all of the tributes that are pouring out of people are all true.  He was one of the good guys, a brilliant musician, a kind soul, a dedicated father and husband. His death, at only 40 years old, is tragic, unfair and just heart-wrenchingly sad.

Craig was in a band called The Grams.  Han produced their debut album a couple years back so I saw them frequently as they came over to the house to record and work.  I also handled scheduling so I would email back & forth with Craig, Chuck & Elise (Craig’s wife) to coordinate sessions.   Also in the band was Bill, who is also the drummer for Han’s Rock Band.  As you can tell, this San Diego music community is a tight-knit group and this loss has sent us all reeling.

The details of the accident are under investigation but he was alone in the car when it crashed head-on into a tree.

Since Saturday, there has been a pall of emotional exhaustion hanging in the air.  Funeral arrangements are pending, but there is no doubt that there will be an enormous outpouring of emotion as we gather to celebrate him and the music, kindness and graciousness he exuded daily.

And to Marcia, her children, Craig’s children and all of his family-musical or otherwise, I can only wish that all of the love and support that is being directed at you now can be of some comfort in this unbearable time of grief.

…and June was a whirlwind of activity that swooped and soared with all the emotional extremes. It started out with a celebration of a new life of sorts at our house-cooling party.

Then we tapped into the freedom of the road with a trip to Las Vegas.

The week after that was all about love and union at Jonny & Cathyrn’s wedding in Julian.

The next week, there were gigs, a heatwave and the welcoming of summer.

The last week of June saw Han’s Rock Band provide musical entertainment for a poker tournament put on by some local sports celebrities.

And then on Saturday the mood shifted dramatically when we learned of a friend’s tragic death. It’s still nearly too much to take.

And last night, to close out the month, we let music do its work on us and basked in the enchanting sounds of Alison Krauss and Robert Plant. Good for the soul.

All of these things deserve attention. And I want to give it to them. The range of emotions that they require in order to relate the stories is significant. Should I post in order of happy to sad? Or start with the most recent and work backwards? Nothing seems right. The only thing I know is that they each require their own post.