home alone

Han gets back today. He’s been gone since Thursday afternoon, in the midwest, playing shows that I booked for his band.

I’ve always been a pretty solitary person. I could be totally content just reading a book by myself, going to a movie, out to a club or coffeehouse on my own. I reveled in my independence. It was always something my mom had stressed to me, to enjoy being alone, to not have to rely on anyone for happiness or security. Over the years, I sometimes forgot that and got close to some people who would later leave or move on and I’d be devastated.

Now that I share my life with Han, there have been adjustments, of course, but we do pretty well together. When he does have to go on the road, and I can’t join him, I find myself hearkening back to those days when it was just me. And these last few days have been good. I holed up and was pretty hermit-like. I cleaned, I gardened, I did laundry, I read, I wrote, I watched a ton of movies, I did website updates and answered emails. But I’d look forward to Han’s calls. And am looking forward to seeing him this afternoon. I wrote in a poem that I’ll post here when I can retrieve it, about how there’s a quality of life that’s missing when he’s not home. So although I like being alone and have had years of practice, I like it even more when he’s around.

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