kiss me, it’s my birthday

I used to have a button that said that, and I’d wear it around proudly. That was in high school. I didn’t get many kisses but I got a lot of well wishes.

This year, I started my birthday festivities on the 15th. I’m not an ego-maniac, it’s just difficult sometimes to gather all the people in your life together that you want around. I find nothing wrong with celebrating 4-5 days around the actual day, especially when, like this year, it happens on a Monday.

I’m at work today. And no one knows it’s my birthday. We have an intranet that does show daily birthdays so the information is out there, but I’m not volunteering it.  I’ve always hated that awkward part of it. They’re not people I’d usually choose to hang out with (not that they’re bad people or anything), so I don’t want the obligatory niceness. Is that wrong? [edited to add that when my co-workers saw the info on the intranet, they decided to take me out to lunch which was nice]

Tonight, Han & I will go out to dinner and probably a movie. I need to look up what’s playing.

This morning was foggy and cool, but now the sun has broken through and is brightly showering the hills in golden light.

Last year, we were in Lake Tahoe. The year before that, my truck was broken into and the stereo stolen (that was a huge drag). I’m not sure I could tell you what I did the year before that. That would be 2004. Maybe that’s when a group of us met at Extraordinary Desserts downtown. That sounds right. And I think on different evenings, my friends Cathy & Laurel came over to visit.

In past years, I’ve been kind of down about my birthday. This year, I feel differently. I didn’t/don’t have anxiety about it like I have in past years. The anxiety had nothing to do with getting older. It was about living up to an image of myself and wanting to be celebrated but at the same time feeling like I didn’t really deserve it. Then feeling guilty about thinking I didn’t deserve it. Then feeling disappointed that it didn’t live up to my fantasy. Then feeling stupid for thinking anyone should give a shit. Birthdays are the ultimate day to be selfish, and while part of me truly believes that, another part of me also thinks it’s pretty silly.

I’m happy today. Here are 36 random reasons why in no particular order:

1. not feeling any hang-ups about turning 36
2. not feeling un-loved which is good
3. beautiful friends who I trust and admire and who I believe I can turn to on any occasion
4. Han & I are doing good and all is right in the world when that is true
5. my awesome mom and dad
6. my caring and witty sister who I adore
7. my sweet nephew
8. DK is the closest I’ll get to having a child of my own and I couldn’t have chosen a more awesome girl
9. “Defying Gravity” from the Wicked soundtrack
10. finding inspiration in the blog world
11. having transportation
12. working a cool job
13. Birkenstocks
14. baseball
15. live music
16. upcoming trip to Florida and Georgia
17. books
18. my curly hair, kind of my own trademark
19. writing poetry
20. Haagen Dazs chocolate peanut butter ice cream
21. knowing my cat, Shug, is in a good home with people who love her
22. my laptop & iPod
23. Coca-Cola (sometimes it is so damn refreshing)
24. knowing that I have family in Spain & Sweden who will welcome me and mine anytime
25. getting popcorn at the movies
26. the utter surrender to sleep
27. working on Han’s head, neck, shoulders and feet to help him feel better
28. checking things off my to-do list
29. balancing my checkbook (sometimes I’m a big geek)
30. Project Runway and Top Chef
31. watching movies I’ve already seen over and over because they continue to make me smile, laugh or cry (“When Harry Met Sally” was on last Saturday, a classic)
32. looking forward to my pedicure
33. thinking of dear friends from the past
34. a funky house that’s full of character (and often full of characters)
35. daydreaming
36. the scent of vanilla on my hands

Have a wonderful day!

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. redred says:

    Happiest birthday ever, Lizzie, and many many more. I adore you too! Loved the list, especially 23 and 29 – these are true for me, too. Love you!!

  2. mamacita says:

    Feliz Cumpleaños!!!! I liked the list and I’m glad you are feeling happy and all is well!!!
    Here’s looking to the next 36 🙂
    Besos

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