turning point

At lunchtime sometimes during the work week, I will often park my car in some shade at the local rec center or on a side street near my office. I will eat a sandwich and read a book and just chill out. Today I fell asleep in the middle of a page, NPR in the background, slight breeze coming in the open window and my hands, gripped on either side of the book, slowly beginning to tingle as they also fell asleep in that position.

Some Most days lately, there is nothing more that I want to do than just sit and read. I’ve made the choice to read three books simultaneously, something I’ve not tried before. Two, yes, but not for a couple years. But I want to savor each one so I take turns, letting the words and the stories have a break from my prying eyes.

My mind is everywhere. I can’t seem to write a coherent post about just one thing. It seems to nearly always be just observations or thoughts, nothing more substantial like I admire in so many other blogs. How can I devote a good hour to a book and not even a fraction of that to a single-subject post that reveals insight into the human condition, be it universal or mine alone? Like right now, I want to make note that I’ve been really enjoying the way my hair looks. I may have finally found the right product that keeps the curls managed while also showing them off.

I also want to explain that the other day (I think it was Sunday), I was overwhelmed with a sense of happiness that I haven’t felt in a while. The kind of feeling where everything seems to be exactly as it should and that very fact is enough to make a person giddy. I was driving home from the grocery store. It was around 6:30 or 7 pm and it was still warm and beautiful, my favorite time of day. Han was waiting for me at home and was going to make dinner. I’d completely cleaned and arranged the laundry room in my effort to finish up getting the house put together. I’d gone to book club that morning and had a great time with Heather & Barb. The music that came up on my iPod was perfect. Even the idea of dealing with the Paypal situation the following day wasn’t making me cranky. It was a good day. It seems silly, maybe, but I have become a worrier of sorts, always weighed down with one issue or the other, from the mundane – bills to pay, schedules to keep, dishes & clothes to clean – to the more global issues – the war, the environment, gas prices (currently $3.75 in San Diego), the presidential election. But on Sunday, it all seemed to melt away and I felt so light and airy. It was a beautiful feeling, one I slowly came to recognize as I used to be more like that most of the time, finding ways to manage the weight of all of those issues without it bearing down on me constantly. It’s changed me, and not in positive ways. But there are days like that when I catch a glimpse, when I let the weight slip off unknowingly and I notice it. The difference in my mood, my attitude. I think a lot of it has to do with the change in our location. There’s so much more light! I really think that was affecting me in small ways that all built up. And of course, the change of the season, as imperceptible as it may be in San Diego, also is affecting me, I think. I’ve always been more of a summertime gal.

And so, it seems a turning point. Or at least what I’d like to recognize as one. I like the sound of that.

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