feast or famine

Since I posted almost every day in April, I thought that maybe I could not post at all in May…not really, it’s just nearly turned out that way. Sorry. Things have been a little hectic around here, with very little chance of smoothing out any time soon.

Honestly, this month has been very trying for me. Emotionally, financially, and physically.

All month I have felt completely overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do. Having a natural tendency toward laziness while at the same time a vigorous work ethic, I have been at odds with myself, spreading myself very thin and some people in my life have suffered the consequences. What’s worse is that I can’t seem to pull myself out of it. I mean I think I know all the ways that are supposed to work, but finding joy seems like a task unto itself. I am loaded on stress, whether it’s my job, the household, the music stuff, there seems to be very little respite. My mood swings have been dazzling and kind of scary.

The downturn in the economy has touched us and that’s never a good feeling. We are doing our best and have received some much appreciated help. I can only try my best to help get the ship righted a bit. See above re: stress.

And physically…I developed bursitis in my right shoulder. I actually went to the doctor (not my first choice usually) and was prescribed some strong anti-inflammatory medication. It seems to be working quite well.

All of this is not to say that I haven’t had some good days and good news this month:
– I spent some great quality time with my mom & dad at the beginning of the month and then just with my mom on Mother’s Day. That was seriously a fabulous day.
– I randomly headed down to Elevated where I witnessed how the little seed I helped to plant in the poetry scene some ten years ago has blossomed. I must say it was the strangest feeling sitting there, listening to these voices and knowing that I helped make it happen, and knowing that almost no one in the room knew who I was. That may sound sad, but it wasn’t. It was cool. And I did talk with a couple of the organizers (Ant Black and Christopher Wilson) who were very kind. I did read, too, and that is always a thrill.
– We pulled off successful back-to-back performances (as well as a show up in LA) to celebrate the release of the Acoustic Duo’s CD . The CD is being very well-received by the masses. They are traveling to Texas this weekend to perform at a huge festival that’s sure to further fuel the fire.
– DK landed a part in the Junior Theater production of Mulan Jr. which is very exciting. The show opens on June 26 and runs until July 12. We already have our tickets for opening and closing night and we’ll probably go to another show in between.
– I’ve kept up my reading (new books updated on my books page)
– We went to see “Angels & Demons” (I’m in serious need of bulking up my Flicks list)

So there’s good stuff. As my sister said, “You’ve got to punch a fun ticket every now and then.” And she’s right.

But what worries me is not seeming to be able to sustain the good mood, the happy attitude. What worries me is that I seem incapable of relaxing. I mean WTF? I mostly feel tired, jagged, coarse. Even when I try to plan relaxing things, I’m telling myself, “Okay, now is the time scheduled for relaxing.” That’s not how it’s supposed to work.

I usually am not this forthcoming about my personal well-being or state of mind on this blog. But I figure, the people I know who read this with any regularity are people who love me and who would want to know what’s going on with me, right?

So what’s ahead?
– Fast approaching is the release of the Rock Band’s CD (June 21) and there is a flurry of activity that accompanies such a thing. Many details that must be attended to.
– I have a reading on the 24th. A publication party for another anthology I was lucky enough to be selected for. It’s in National City which is kind of a drag, but I’ll get to see some friends (Robt!) who I haven’t seen in forever.
– Continued promotion and planning for Acoustic Duo and Rock Band gigs.
– Hopefully a pedicure if I can get the darn thing scheduled.
– and summer…I don’t know if I’ve looked forward to a season more than I am doing this year. I need the sun to soothe this stress and anxiety I have.

Sorry for the period of famine with regard to my posting. Here’s to more feasting.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. mamacita says:

    Just relax, take it easy, slow down…
    you know, stop and smell the roses, make time for yourself 🙂
    Love you

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