first week of 2013

It’s not been without excitement. On Dec 31, Han’s brother arrived with his band from Seattle to record with Han. They are 19, 20, and almost 21 so I got them some beer so they could have some new year’s cheer while Han & I went to his gig. (They crashed out early having had just 1 beer between them!) To the gig: Acoustic Duo were special guests of Steve Poltz at The Casbah, and it was a great show. They killed it! It was a great way to ring in the new year, with my love and among friends. 

On the 1st, while the boys recorded, I was extremely productive and knocked off two of the things on my 2013 list (not really resolutions, but short- and long-term goals for the year). I updated my address book in my new planner, and I organized the recipes I have printed out. It was awesome.

On the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th, it was back to work. I wish I could report that I was super motivated so that the company got its money’s worth, but not so much.

Maybe because a cool little article came out about me and the poetry/music events I put on. It was pretty cool to share it with folks at work who don’t know that much about that side of my life, and I got a lot of wonderful comments on Facebook.

Han is already totally busy. On Thursday night, he had a rehearsal so I barely saw him. Then on Friday, I left to go up to La Mirada. But on the way, I stopped in Carlsbad to see the rehearsal for Acoustic Duo’s show at this great little theater up there. It was the 1st of 2 nights of shows. They were playing with another duo, two of the folks they toured the UK with. They wanted to test out how it would go doing a show with the 2 duos in hopes of taking the acts back to the UK this summer. 🙂

La Mirada was good. My dad is in good spirits and good health. I took him to dialysis on Saturday then stopped at this great bakery called the Candle Light. They have yummy treats. I also stopped at the bank and got a donut for Dad 🙂 Mom wasn’t feeling good but we went out to get her some medicine and got some lunch. After lunch we drove around a little bit looking for new places she could take Lulu. We drove by Neff Park (that I don’t remember ever going to even though it’s very close to our house!) and we also found the olive grove on the Biola campus that was quite lovely. When I went to pick up Dad, there was some excitement there when a car in the parking lot caught on fire. It was scary! But the firemen came and put it out, but it was crazy. That night, we just relaxed at the house. For dinner, we had Chipotle. Dad & I went to get it. On Sunday, I slept in a bit, lounged a bit, played with Lulu etc. I left for San Diego around 2 pm.

That night, Han had another session so I didn’t see him much. Two of the band members (Han’s brother’s band) had left, but J & N were still here. They’re staying with us. The week before they stayed a couple nights, got a room for a couple nights, then were here all weekend. We got some burritos for a late lunch and just hung out.

On Monday, it was work time again and then I met them all for dinner at Ponce’s at 5 pm. At lunch, I had been super productive knocking out a few errands that needed to get done. I was feeling like I had things figured out. And I’m sure you would agree that everything up to this point has been positive and good, right? I agree. But then, how can you or I explain what happened later on that night? Han took D back to her mom’s. I started to get a little headache. J & N were hanging out. I decided to go lie down in the bedroom. Han got home; I knew he was feeling frazzled, too. He went to his studio to watch some TV. I was laying in bed when what seems like all of a sudden, my chest started heaving, as if I was sobbing, but I wasn’t at that time. I tried to regulate my breathing, but it just intensified, then I was sobbing uncontrollably and then I was in the throes of a full-blown panic attack. I sat up in bed and try as I might I couldn’t stop hyperventilating. I called out (weakly) to Han a few times, then got a little more volume and he came rushing in. He totally helped me calm down and get my breathing under control. When he was there, I remember that I was making this high-pitched sound, like keening. It was like when he came in, I knew I was safe and yet the attack seemed to escalate slightly. It took about an hour before I felt okay. That hour I was using every ounce of my energy to not fall over the edge again. It still felt very close. Han and I talked a lot in that hour which was very helpful.

I wish I could explain how or why it happened. I wish I could tell you that I’m not afraid of it happening again. I contacted my doctor and will make an appointment. I stayed home from work today. I didn’t sleep very well last night and when I thought about the episode this morning, it made me very emotional. I know that this will make my family worry, and I’m sorry about that. I am doing everything I possibly know how to do to keep myself balanced and healthy. I simply can’t explain why it happened. But it happened. It was real. And it sucked.

Today, I’ve taken it easy. I checked in at work by email, but I spent a lot of time on Facebook, particularly posting and promoting this new video of the Acoustic Duo. Han was busy in the studio finishing up tracking for his brother’s band. I played FB games and just tried to relax. I have another small headache tonight. I’ll be sure to mention the headaches to my doctor.

Oh, I forgot to mention that a person from the music scene passed away (I didn’t really know him but know a lot of people who loved him) and another friend, who I know very well and love dearly, is in the hospital tonight. You know, there are lots of people, especially in the beginning of the year, who spout about love and peace and harmony. It’s one thing to spout about it and another thing to act on it. I tell the people I love that I love them every time I see or speak to them. I hope that my actions back up my words because I never want to feel like I missed an opportunity to express my love for the people who make up my life.

So that sums up my first week of 2013. Like I said, not without excitement.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. mamacita says:

    Panic attacks are a scary thing. I don’t know much about it, but I am glad you made a doctor’s appointment. You have so much going on, it maybe caused by stress. Try to take it easy and relax (easy for me to say eh?). Love you.

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