last day of November (long post)

My goal of NaBloPoMo went out the window. Ah well. I just published the wrap-up of my work trip to Atlanta (11/11-11/14). That weekend after the trip was okay. I was home by myself since Han was in central and northern CA to play a couple gigs. On Sunday, 11/16, I had my Third Poetry Sunday reading at Java Joe’s. My friend, Lindsay, came to that and we had a chance to chat a bit before people showed up. It was good to see her. The reading itself was fine, there two other poets and a guy who just came to listen. Later that evening, I asked Becky if she wanted to meet for dinner. She did. It was good to see her, too. I talked to both Becky & Lindsay about how down I’ve been lately. It was good to talk to them as I feel that they understood where I was coming from.

Han ended up getting home late Monday night. I’d gone to the kitties that day. On Tuesday evening, I helped him get the rental car back, then I went to Rebecca’s for their open reading. It was full. I read something fairly new, but I didn’t feel great about it. I grabbed some food on the way home, and Han and I watched Breaking Bad.

The next day was my birthday. 43. You know, last year, I’d dubbed ’42’ as ‘fortitude.’ That didn’t work out so well for me. I’m not sure what to call this year. ‘Forty-be’ or ‘forty-me’ come to mind so that I can remember to be in the moment and to take care of myself.

The day didn’t start out well. I woke up and knew I had a choice: to be strong and open to the day or to let all of the negative feelings wash over me. Sadly, the second ‘choice’ overtook me. I cried for a while. All of the terrible things people say to themselves when they don’t feel good about themselves are all the things I said. When I look at this episode from a place of relative contentment like I am today, it’s embarrassing to even admit. But I honestly understand and know those feelings are there. Most days I can rise above them, but that morning, I drowned in them.

After a while, Han, D, and I went to lunch. My choice. I chose Costa Brava, a Spanish tapas restaurant that I had gone to last year. It was truly delicious, and Han and D liked it, too. We had so much! Pan con tomate, tortilla espanola, cheeses, clams, mussels, patatas a la brava, and patatas con alioli. Plus a couple glasses of sangria. After that, we visited the little Spanish market then came home and I left for the DMV. Yes, I had forgotten to renew my license sooner so I spent a good hour among the sea of humanity that is the DMV. I had to take a vision test and get a new picture taken. It really wasn’t that bad.

I went home and Han & I watched TV and talked. It was a good talk. He had a rehearsal that night for a show that he was going to be in the following Saturday. I went to a movie. I saw “Gone Girl.” That was a really fucked-up story, but it was done well, rather riveting trying to figure out what was going on. After the movie and after rehearsal, we had Mexican food. I do want to say thanks to Mia for the Amazon gift card, to Mom & Dad, Mary & Dewey, and Jeff’s mom for the birthday money, and to Sandy for the new planner!

Back to work on Thursday. My employee was also back from his 3 week adventure in Europe. I realized I didn’t miss him hardly at all. My boss got bundt cakes for me which was nice.

Friday after work, I drove to Heather’s house and we went out to dinner at a place called Sublime. It was good. We had mac & cheese croquettes, then I had a grilled cheese with ham. It was great to see her. I admire her so much. She deals with a lot of stuff with her family and her job, but she remains so classy about it. She’s not snooty, she just handles herself so well. She’s a good egg.

Then I drove up to my parents’ house. It was probably 11 pm or so when I got there. Dad was in bed. Mom and I talked a bit, but I was tired. On Saturday, I took Dad to dialysis and when I got home, Mom talked to me for a while. She has been looking into depression online and gave me some things I could try. It’s true that I need to get in touch with the therapist I had seen for a while last year. It can’t hurt.

Then we went to lunch at Cha-Cha’s, which has THE BEST french fries. So good. The rest of the weekend was pretty mellow. Mom made maccarones for dinner, then waffles and bacon for breakfast on Sunday. For lunch that day we had breaded pork and asparagus. I finished the Hosseini book. He’s such a good storyteller. You really get to know the characters. This one had a lot of different stories from different points of view, but they all connected in one way or another.

That afternoon, I headed down around 3:30 pm and went straight to the Belly-Up where there was a Flan show that night. It was my first show of the music season, and it was good to see everyone. I had dinner with Barbara, Becky, and Julie at the Wild Note which is attached to the Belly-Up. Barbara & Becky got my dinner as a birthday present which was so sweet. I had the filet mignon sliders with fries. Pretty good!

The show was good. There’s so many people in the band, it’s a little crazy sometimes, but it went well. The MLB network was there to film Flan and parts of the show. I left shortly after the show was over and was asleep when Han got home.

Monday was fine, I went up to the kitties. I don’t remember much about Monday. On Tuesday, Flan announced that he was stepping down from the Giants. It was not really unexpected news, Han had mentioned something about it after the Belly-Up. He didn’t know it would happen so soon. Flan had asked me on Sunday to write up a new bio for him. He said ‘mention the baseball thing, but then talk more about the music.’ That was my direction. I didn’t get around to it until yesterday, but he loved what I put together so that’s cool.

On Wednesday, we had a Thanksgiving potluck at work. Last year, I made pies. This year, I brought cups. I was not into baking this year. Anyway, then we got let off early so Han and I went to the store. Oh, before that I went and picked up the new acoustic duo Christmas CD. It’s really good! We went to the store for what we would make the following day. It was just going to be the two of us, but we bought as if we were feeding more. It’s always the appetizers, right, that are too much?

On Thanksgiving morning, he made breakfast and we watched the Macy’s parade. We watched TV. (We finished Breaking Bad and are now watching House of Cards. Breaking Bad was excellent. House of Cards is good, but I just don’t really like anybody.) We had appetizers around 3:30 pm and had dinner around 8 pm. We had steak, brussels sprouts, funeral potatoes, and green bean casserole. Tasty. We were so full, we didn’t even have any pie.

Friday was a holiday for me. The Animal Center had asked if anyone could come up during the holiday that they could use the help. That morning, I did some chores and errands, then I headed up there for three hours. In that time, I did services for 13 cats. There were about 20-21 total cats but some didn’t have services and others had been done. Usually when I go on Monday, the services have been done so I can do whatever I want. Services are TLC (brushing & cuddling), cuddling, or feather/bubble time. Most of the cats were great. There was a little blind kitten who is just so sweet. It was nice to be able to give that time.

The rest of the day was pretty much a bust. I got into a mood and couldn’t get out of it. I think I went to bed at 9 pm.

Yesterday was pretty lackluster, too. I watched TV most of the day while Han worked. I did laundry and cleaned up the house. I did Flan’s bio. I went to the grocery store and for dinner I made meatloaf, broccoli, and mashed potatoes. It was good.

Today, Han got me watching a few episodes of Sons of Anarchy. It’s just fine. No big whoop. I went and got us some sandwiches for lunch. Now he’s working and I’m going to head to the store. Oh so exciting, right!?

Now it’s on to December. It means wrapping up 2014, looking ahead to the new year, my mom’s birthday, and of course, Christmas. Let’s hope it’s a good one!

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