I brought my laptop home with me this weekend. Like I’ve done previously, I had every intention to catch up on some work. But it’s almost 8 pm on Sunday night, and the bag never even got unzipped.
I’ve come to (or come back to) the idea of making the weekends mine. Like I mentioned yesterday, I have for too long, felt guilty about not doing more with my weekends, not being productive in my own mind. But you know what? I did laundry today. I cleaned out the fridge. I went grocery shopping and made dinner. I did the dishes. I even rearranged the bedroom. I also had “Parenthood” on nearly non-stop, and my phone got plenty of use from the game-playing. But even if I had spent all day in my pajamas and just read a book, that still would have been just right.
It’s about what I feel like doing at any given time. When I have this alone time, when Han and D are both gone, I have to luxuriate, or go out, or walk, or anything else.
I just got off the phone with my parents. My dad and I had an emotional talk, but a good one. He said something about how other people have it worse off and that he shouldn’t feel bad. I think that’s bullshit. Having pain, going through a down period, being sick, that’s what you’re dealing with and it’s real. Everybody has something. Comparing your pain to others and feeling unworthy or silly for feeling what you feel is negating yourself and what you are going through. All we can do is go through it. Reach out, talk, or write, draw, paint, sing, pet the dog. And if you’re in an up mode, empathize with those that are down. Or even if you are in a down mode, you can still empathize with others.
With the attacks in Paris on Friday, and the previous day’s attack in Beirut, it’s been very odd on social media. People are trying to make other people feel bad for showing solidarity with Paris and not Beirut. They’re re-posting news from earlier in the year to imply or outright say, what about this? Why weren’t you enraged by this attack and show your support for these victims? These attitudes are everywhere whether it’s about the LGBTQ community, peace for Paris, racism at Mizzou, #BlackLivesMatter, politics, religion. It seems like no matter what you do, with the best intentions, someone will find fault with it. I certainly don’t have the answers, but I try to follow the news. I try to follow my heart and express my concern, my empathy, what I feel is right. I try to stay away from debates and conflicts online and even in conversations. But it goes to my previous remarks about comparing pain. It’s pointless. There is pain. There is lots of pain in the world. Some people are assholes. Some people are kinder than average.
Which brings me back to the original subject/title of this post: sacred space. Find yours. Use it to recharge, to be better prepared to deal with the massive onslaught of images, words, and opinions of everyone. Be kind.