NPM – 11 of 30

no funeral

when Dad first got very sick
he and my mother made their arrangements
Rose Hills would handle everything
cremation, simple details, nothing elaborate

when it came time to
use these services, it still took
time and money, though not much

I was uncomfortable in the mortuary office
it was pouring down rain
and the strip mall where the office
was located was under construction

everything felt temporary and grey

there were brochures about
releasing doves (which are
actually white homing pigeons),
memorial books and videos,
wakes, viewings, and graveside services

we didn’t want any of that
we weren’t even planning a service
that was what they’d agreed on


about a week into hospice
as my dad took to his bed for a nap
and I got the music going
he told me that if we had a service
he wanted the song that was playing
to be played at it, I simply agreed
knowing there would be no service
not because we didn’t love him
or want to honor him, but
because this time was our service

he had the good fortune
to be able to express his love
to the people he cared the most about
and who cared the most for him

nothing we could have planned
would have been as powerful or
as meaningful as it was to
hold his hand, kiss his face, and
whisper “I love you” every time
he went to sleep


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Sandy says:


  2. josefa says:

    A funeral, a service, is for the people to remember the person he was and talk about him. We did this in the best possible way, when he was alive and understood we loved him and listened to his stories and played his songs, and hugged him. He died surrounded by love and by the persons he held dear. I am at peace and celebrate our decision.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s