Grief well

Today started out well. I got up early and went to get breakfast at Bondar’s. I chose to eat it there and read my book. Around 9:15 am, I left and took a walk through downtown. I really like downtown in the morning.

Then I headed to acupuncture which was great. I felt very good afterward. I came home and decided to treat myself (birthday weekend!) with lunch at the little French cafe. I finished my book.

My plan was to go home and take a nap then maybe catch up on some work later tonight. I set my alarm for 4 pm (it was 2 pm). I settled in to bed. The patio door was open because it was such a nice day. My temperature was perfect. I felt tired enough to be able to nap.

And then, as it sometimes happens when I’m going to sleep, an image of my dad came to me. It’s not a pleasant image, and I won’t say what it is. When this happens, I’m usually able to replace the image with others. I’m usually successful, but today I wasn’t, and I ended up falling into my grief well. I started crying and couldn’t stop. I listened to the voicemails I have of him, I looked at his Facebook page, I saw the photo of our family I keep next to my bed and just bawled.

Then my sister texted me (without knowing what was going on) and that was the bucket I needed to start making my way out of the well. On the way up, I stopped at some snack bars, haha. Yes, people, I chose to eat my feelings a bit.

I was going to attend an open mic but decided against it. I’ve been lying on the couch, watching TV. The crying has stopped, but my energy is low.

Here’s hoping tomorrow is better!

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3 Comments Add yours

  1. Glad to know you were able to give time and space to that thirty beast Grief. Here’s to more buckets pulling skyward.

  2. Sandy says:

    I’ll be your bucket anytime, my sweet.

  3. authensible1357 says:

    I’ve been in that well with those circular thoughts. Glad you were able to get out..today

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