end of December, end of 2020

Here we are. I didn’t write as much as I thought I would, given the pandemic and all, but I probably wrote a bit more than I would have without it! I sometimes wonder if I can even call myself a writer or a poet because I don’t really have a regular practice. Maybe that’s something to shoot for in the new year.

I’ll be honest. I’m not really feeling any kind of excitement or much happiness today. It’s been true since after my mom’s birthday. I think a lot of it is because we’re in the ‘anniversary’ timeframe of the hospice bubble, three years ago now. At some points, a memory from those days comes at me swinging before I know to duck. I am really trying to duck, but I’m not always fast enough.

I thought I would take some time to recap December, but in a bit of a different way. For the last several years, as I’ve written before, I’ve participated in Susannah Conway’s December Reflections, mostly by posting a photo on Instagram. I haven’t kept up with it this month. So I thought I’d write my reflections here.

Star – I actually wrote on the 1st here on the blog, and I posted what I had put on Instagram: a copy of a poem I’d read aboard the Star of India a few years. I was off to a good start, ha!
Favorite hobby – my favorite hobby is reading. I do the yearly challenge on Goodreads. This year, I set my goal at 62 books. If I finish the book I’m reading now tonight, I will have read a total of 56 books, if not, it will be 55 obviously. That’s still not a bad amount of books to read. For the last couple years, I’ve tried to only read books written by women and have been more cognizant of including more women of color. I’ll probably continue that into 2021, but maybe I’ll lower my goal.
Best day of 2020 – I chose three days as my best of the year, and they all happened in February before the pandemic ruled the world. My baking day with Mom. My meet-up with Lindsay. And going to Disneyland with Sandy. For pandemic days, there have been some good ones – hanging with Mom in the garden, getting out on the trail, going to see the sunset with Mom yesterday.
Red – I posted a picture of a cactus prickly pear from a trail walk.
Biggest lesson from 2020 – Really opening my eyes to the injustice that is baked into this country and how real, truly awful moments in our history have been glossed over or never really examined.
Ornament – the last couple years, Mom & I have decorated our trees in the front yard with ornaments since we only get a small tree (if at all) for inside. I like seeing them outside.
On my wish list – there’s not really anything that I need, but probably my next purchase will be new hiking shoes.
Fave photo of 2020 – for this prompt, I made a collage of my favorite photo subject, our little dog, Lulu. We discovered this year that she enjoys wearing little clothes. She has a pajama shirt and a festive little holiday sweater.
Silver – We strung silver garlands around the sides of our porch entrance as part of decorating. They are festive.
Warm fuzzies – For this one, I posted some photos of a couple houses’ Christmas lights as well as our house. I was coming home from a walk in the evening, and all the lights just gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.
Ink – I posted a photo of my 2nd tattoo that I got two years ago in Savannah GA. It says “Isabel” which is the name my dad called me, and it’s in his handwriting. I’ll write a poem about it someday.
Best decision in 2020 – My best decision this year was to respond to a friend’s message about a potential job. It turned out to be a great opportunity for me, honestly, exactly the kind of position I’d been looking for. I feel very lucky to be employed in a well-paying job that I can do well.
Reindeer – I posted a photo of the side of a cookie jar that we have that’s actually not a jar at all but shaped like a house, Santa’s house. The roof part comes off, and the side of it has a pretty reindeer painted on it. We keep treats for Lulu in it.
Mask selfie – I didn’t post anything for this one, but I have plenty. Here’s one of my & Mom from Tuesday when we went to see the sunset.
Difficult day in 2020 – Hmmm. I think any day where my mom & I get into disagreements that sometimes results in one of us in tears is a difficult day. We had some of those days this year, mostly about political stuff. Thankfully, they didn’t happen very often, and we were always able to talk things out later. This outcome is something I’m very grateful for because I know it’s not something that everyone experiences.
Plant love – I got a house plant early this year, or maybe it was last year? Anyway, initially it was awesome, then it just started dying, but I’ve been able to bring it back. In fact today, I took it outside and gave it a little more dirt, plus I anchored one of the stems to a stick so it would stand up straight and grow a little better. Besides that, I’ve taken to helping my mom in the front and back yards, watering and just generally keeping things alive. There’s one plant in particular, the string of pearls, that I have taken on as my own. When I moved here, it was sad and only had two or three strings. Now it’s really doing a lot better, and it’s even blooming now. I really love it.
Things I missed – Live music. Going to sit at a coffeehouse and write. Driving further away to go hiking. (along with the more obvious things: seeing my sister & friends, traveling, eating at restaurants, going to movies)
I said hello to – My La Mirada for Change group. It’s been nice to slowly get to know some people who are like-minded and who are interested in trying to expand the vision of La Mirada.
I said goodbye to – My bookstore job. I was laid off at the end of March with the promise that I would be rehired when it was able to open up again. I got that call in August, but since I had my new job (see #12), I decided not to return to the bookstore.
Best book of 2020 – Without a doubt, the best book I read in 2020 was “The Warmth of Other Suns” by Isabel Wilkerson about the Great Migration. Related to item #5, I am trying to educate myself about things that happened here that were never taught in school. This book was eye-opening and quite beautiful, sad, and necessary.
Comfort – I feel like ‘comfort’ could be my middle name. I dress very comfortably – almost always a t-shirt and jeans. I like my coffee & ham & cheese croissant on weekends because it brings me comfort. I am comforted by the love of my family and friends.
Sparkling – I’m not too big on sparkly things. My mom really likes things that sparkle. But I like the idea of sparkling, as a personality trait, or that of an idea, a quality about someone. I wrote a poem once with the line, “…awaken your sleeping sparkle” that I truly love. That urge to shine, letting out that brimming light inside of you.
New recipe – My mom & I have relied on Blue Apron this year a lot, and I love making almost all the recipes they send us. They’re fairly easy and mostly delicious. It’s also nice to just know that’s what you’ll have to eat. I mean meal planning this year was hard!
One year ago – I looked at the photo I posted on December 24, 2019. The prompt was “paper,” and I posted a shot of wrapping paper. I looked at what I wrote on 12/24/19 in my Q&A journal that my sister got for me. The prompt is: Write down a recent transition. My answer was: not too recent but this year transitioning out of corporate America and out of San Diego. Finally, I looked at my gratitude journal. What I wrote on Christmas eve last year was this: I am grateful for a good walk, work, and writing.
Love is – I think true love is unconditional. It’s also lifting up those you love just as they lift you up. Love is necessary. Love is liberating. Love is better than most alternatives.
Slippers – I posted a photo for this one. This year, I watched two old classic movies that I had never seen. One was “The Shop Around the Corner.” I fell asleep in the last 20 minutes or so, but then I watched the end the next day. The modern movie “You’ve Got Mail” is a sort of remake of it. And the ‘original’ movie is actually based off of a Hungarian play which kind of explains why the movie is set in Budapest. It was fine. I don’t love Jimmy Stewart, and watching these older movies from a different era is sometimes odd. The other movie I saw for the first time was “Meet Me in St. Louis.” I posted a photo of one of my feet in new slippers I got for Christmas with the movie on in the background. This movie was also odd. It really didn’t have a point except to let Judy Garland sing a lot. She was great in it, but I kind of feel like it’s two hours of my life I’ll never get back.
2020 taught me – that the balance of wealth, power, justice, and abundance in this country is way out of whack
An intention for 2021 – to stay active politically, to turn to writing more often – get into a regular practice, to continue my trail walking & tennis playing, to get more sleep
Hope for the world – probably my first hope is for COVID-19 to be eradicated, and beyond that, my hope for the world is for good to outshine the bad
Thank you for – the good health of myself, my mom, my sister, and my friends. I know people who have lost people this year, from COVID, from age, from accidents, from suicide. It’s tough out there so I’m incredibly thankful that my immediate people have not suffered.
My word for 2021 – I haven’t thought of my word for the next year yet. My word for this year was “blossom” with supporting words of ‘grow,’ ‘develop,’ and ‘amplify.’ I think these ended up being great words for me but in different ways than I anticipated. I’ll have to think on it for my word for 2021. I’ll keep you posted.